Oh, the irony!

This is a common sight in big-box garden centers: It still irritates my eye balls, but short of scratching them out, there’s nothing I can do. Yesterday, though, I spotted a new iteration: “Nature Perfect Succulents,” the display proclaims in faux handwriting. To reach an even wider audience, there’s also a Spanish version: “Suculentas son la perfección de la naturaleza.” Translating as “Succulents are nature’s perfection,” it ups the melodrama another notch. If succulents are so perfect to begin with, then why do they have to be painted ghastly shades of pink, purple, and blue? Can the perpetrators of this crime against botany not see the irony in this? It sure wasn’t lost on me! But this was just act #1 of the horror show. Indulging my masochistic streak, I took in act #2... ...and act #3: Admittedly, googly eyes aren’t on the same level of perversion as act #1 and #2. In fact, they can be quite droll: There are plenty of people who claim that googly eyes make everything look better